Been a while

I'm sorry I haven't written... wait. It's my blog... I write when I want. So there.

I'm holding at 245... I haven't really been trying, or exercising much. I've been tending a broken heart... We all know that right? The one that makes you swear off relationships and cry into pillows every night... I think boo! Two thumbs, severely down.

But the silver lining these things always seem to have, in this situation, is a little bit of clarity in life. I'm seeing my goals laid out before me... I see the woman I want to be, not in the physical sense... in the soul sense.

I've been reading a book... devouring it really. Eat, Pray, Love. If you haven't read it... get thee hence to the bookstore, yesterday! This woman is me. She writes the way I do... talks the same and has the same desires. The journey she is on is one I feel I'm on as well. I guess "was" is the better word...

Anyways... I'm not going to ramble. I'm making a lot of changes in my life, heartache always seems to incite such things. I don't know when I'll write again. I'm sorry I'm being selfish and un-supportive of your journeys. I sincerely hope things are wonderful for each of you. I promise that I will take the time to catch up with each of you once I get some things straight in my life.

XOXO M

Encouragement

You guys are AMAZING! I think this is really going to be the thing that helps me win this fight once and for all... it's soo amazing to open this blog and see ppl that have struggled as I do, hell ppl that still strugle... ppl that are fighting with me. I LOVE it.

I don't know why this week has been kind of downward as far as the goals go... and not in a good down kindda way. I made deals with myself... which I am quickly learning is a bad bad thing. I reason that I can't go for a run tonight, my IPOD is dead. I'll charge it over night and as penance I will get up 3 hours early and do 3 miles.... I wake up and realize I've sabotaged myself, the IPOD was forgotten and never plugged in. I swear it's like I have this alter ego... I think I'll call her Betty... Black Betty. She's evil. She does not want me to succeed. She distracts me, and makes deals that she knows she won't keep...

I think I've decided on my "laid to rest" pic. It will be Betty... now that my nemesis has a name, she's going DOWN!!!

Wish me luck guys!
XOXOXO M

Who was THAT?

I feel like some other person inhabited my body yesterday... I don't know what happened. I ate ALL day... I can't think of a time when I ate that I was actually hungry, I just remember feeling this pit in my stomach saying that I needed to have food. It carried on through my first job... 1030 to 2100... then through the second 2100 to 0400. I had Taco Bell for the first time in at least two mos... You know they have salsa verde now?!? It's no where near as good as my homemade version, but it worked. The point here is it was just a weird day. I didn't feel like myself through the whole of it.

I woke up this morning... remembering all that I had eaten and wondered, what the hell happened yesterday. I felt perfectly normal today and went right back to all my healthy eating... i of course jumped on my scale... I'm down to 245, but scared to get back on it in the next day or two for fear it will jump up to 300 over night.

Anyone ever had this happen?

And enter a worn out me

ok... so I've spent 4 hours catching up on reading... I'm REALLY sorry if I didn't make it to you... I got to the H's on my list. I promise I will do better, but my butt is asleep and I'm dying to get home.

Hope everyone has a fabulous Sunday... Get out, get moving!

XO M

It's me again Margret

Ok... I know it's been forever! Work has been crazy, making it hard to post there and until I get internet at my house... I'm stuck waiting until I can get to the coffee shop. I'm a slack ass... I know.

As you can see by the tracker above, I am down 12 lbs... or 14 if you count the 2 that I went up with at the start. I'm still not working out as much as I should... or promised myself. No excuse but laziness... It's hard to kick your own butt into shape, but I know I'm the only one that can.

Some of my stressors have found resolution, which is going to help A LOT! I made something the other night that I just HAVE to share. I found it on someone's blog, though at the moment, I don't know who to credit them... If you know, go ahead and comment. I am pressed for time, or I would go do the research. Anyways... It's called Unemployment Dinner... I have to think of or find another name for it... I hate telling ppl that's what it's called... It's a little off putting. Anyways... Onion, garlic, chard, northern beans and tomatoes... I added curry powder and served it over long grain brown rice... Oh my blog!! soooo good. I've been eating it everyday for three days... It makes a lot and the ingredients are under $10. I couldn't believe how much I would love it! I've never tried chard... I urge you to look it up if you have a moment or leave me a comment and I'll email the recipe.

In other, more personal news... I'm having a "missing home" moment. I haven't seen my mom in months... I have 2 new nieces I haven't met... Thanksgiving is coming up, the big family holiday... And some of my friends from Ireland will be coming in... today! Here I am stuck 6 hours away and while it doesn't seem far... money and transportation issues keep me away. Bummed is an understatement.

In happier news... I had an amazing time at Kings Island last weekend... Rode the coasters, went through some haunted "houses" and then watched... "midget wrestling". The later was quite appalling... I felt like these guys were exploiting themselves and for what? Money? Five minutes of fame? I will resist the urge to jump on my soapbox... Let's just say I sat on my phone the whole time, while my friends thought this was the funniest thing ever.

If I don't get a chance to stop by your blog and leave a personal comment today... please know you're in my thoughts... I'm sending positivity and encouragement to you and hoping to remember that you're pushing yourselves, so I have to push myself.

XOXO M

Monday... AGAIN?!?!

That's right folks... Monday has now come TWICE this week. Why? For the love of all that is holy... I just don't know why! Ever had one of those days, that you know it's just not yours? That's me... and that's today... tomorrow's not looking too bright either.

Sorry bloggers... this entry will be not so blog spiring. It's been a rough few days... Eating and exercising has been good... There was a nice, or not so nice, internal battle at 5 am as to whether I was going to drag my arse outta bed and run or not... at 0615... I won, got out of bed, threw on shorts, long sleeve t and some runners. The straw that won that argument was me finding that my phone does in fact have a stopwatch feature... Can I describe the love I have for my Blackberry? not in words...

So loooong story short... I ran... well walked... I did forget the sports bra while celebrating my victory... mental note for future...

I did NOT get to Zumba last night... Some evil out there is lining up against me on that. I got there, joined a group standing in the parking lot, only to find that class was... wait for it... CANCELLED

have to post later... just found out that I can't be online at the new job... EVER! GASP oh well

Monday... Monday... Monday

New week!! Sooo what did I do last week? Let’s see… I exercised 2 of the three times… but I spent Sat and Sunday running around my second job at Aeropostale… I perspired, therefore… I’m counting it as activity. Still won’t count it as my 3rd workout… I’m not a cheater!! *looks at you agasp*

I drank all of my water last week… the weekend however, was a different story. What is it about not having your day on a schedule that makes fitting it all in soooo hard.

Zumba, I found out was actually an hour before I showed up last night… fantastic. But! There is a class tonight, so I will turn this Monday into a happy day… It’s my first day out of training at the new job… it was a little stressful.

Sorry this is so short, but today has been little too hectic to write. Promise tomorrow’s will be better or I’ll come back later to edit this and catch up with the rest of you weight losin cats!

Xo M

My First Award!!

How EXCITING!!! Someone reads my drivel... they love me, they really love me!! hahaha I had to...

On to the award

TADA!!

Thank you sooo much Becky! You just brightened my little day! Now off to find some new exciting blogs to award!

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who gave me the award.
2. Share seven things about myself.
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
4. Let my nominees know about their award.


7 things about me... hmmmm
1) I LOVE green... I don't know what it is about that color that just draws me. Maybe I'm kind of like Mr Zuckerman, creator of Facebook, he's color bind with blue being his strongest.... Maybe green is just the strongest color for me.
2) I actually wear green everyday... I had this pointed out to me several years ago. Sometimes it's clothing, sometimes just my peridot ring.
3) My mom is my BFF... I know lots of girls say that, but this has only occurred in the last year. She still doesn't always tell me what I want to hear, but I can't stay mad at her anymore. We talk AT LEAST once a day.
4) I want to be a Doctor. It's a lofty goal for a 27yr old who doesn't even have her AS yet... but it's been on my heart for years and previous experience as an EMT and hemodialysis tech, confirm that it's the only thing that makes me feel alive, every day.
5) I just moved from my home in VA to KY last Sept... I'm still learning my way around... making new friends... missing the old (hey, it's not easy starting over) but I love it here and being here I do believe was in the "doctor" design. There happens to be a good med school in downtown.
6) I'm a nerd... in the uncool sense of the word. hahaha. I love to read, excell at computers, and have been known to like an anime or two (though in my defense, it was years ago)
7) I love the outdoors. I love hiking, running, anything water related... sports, kayaking, or just sitting outside in wonder of the world.

Now that we've gotten past THAT... sheesh, I ramble.

New blogs to award!
couchto1mile
asmallloss
marsial2010
c-phat
101reasonsihatebeingfat
threebyrdsnest
soeveryday
healthyschmealthy
imgonnadoit
Living Active
fatlikeme
fitnhealthybyfifty
Journeyingtolose200lbs
Ramblingsofagirlietomboy
LifeasaCaterpillar
Confessionsofa+SizedGirl

OMG I FINALLY found 15... ok 16 blogs to award... It only took me 7 hours. I did find some gems though... hope you all will check them out... I know I've added to my reading list!

Don't know if I'll make another post today... if not, everyone have a fabulous night... if you're not sweatin you ain't working!! :D

Challenge Me

Lord help me… I binged last night… it wasn’t too awful, but I’m soooo stressed. I won’t go into my little sob story… but it’s a bunch of things at once. Wouldn’t be stress… or life for that matter if it wasn’t, right?

I did, however, happen across a blog this morning that hit a cord. She too has some emotional bingeing issues. It’s a truly sucky thing to go through, but seeing someone so honest and open about her setbacks, was good for me.
http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/2010/09/recovery-from-binges-setbacks.html

OK Trace… I found a bunch of Zumba classes here… but I found one, that’s by my house AND I may be able to afford. It’s only $8/class walk in. I figure I’ll do one a week to start so that’s only $32 per month. Maybe by Dec I’ll be worked up to more classes a week, making it logical to pay $50 per month… we’ll see.

I’m posting this early today… I usually write on this all day and then post right before I go home. Due to a challenge I came across… I’m posting now. This is the HOT 100 challenge. As of tomorrow, there are officially 100 days left this year. Why not use this as a reason to get motivated? According to the rules I have to post with my 3 goals, I’m also going to set up a side bar for a daily reminder. My biggest thing is exercise so almost all of my goals are geared to working out.

1) Lose 30lbs
2) Zumba or 1hr work out DVD once a week
3) Walk 3 miles 3x week



Stop by and check out the challenge… make your own goals, who can’t push for something short term for 100 days, even if it’s to quit smoking or putting $5 in a savings jar every week. Be creative and have fun!

OX~M

Needed to edit this... see why I wait to the end of the day? lol I went a head and made a list of people off of Steve's comment list so they are easier to keep up with. If you know anyone I can add to this, link to their blog in a comment. I appreciate it! I see this as a kind of global group of friends, I want to support them as I would like to be supported. Yeah, so it's the golden rule, you have a better one to live by? :)

I really need some title ideas...

I caved and weighed myself this morning… I was so disheartened yesterday. I expected to stay the same or come down… I won’t post where I am, but I will say it’s in the right direction.

I’m hungry. I wish there was another way to do this, but I think being a little hungry every once in a while is a discomfort I’m going to have to deal with if I want to succeed. Fact is, I shouldn’t be hungry at all. I had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, which is supposed to fill you up n keep you that way for longer than an hour right?

Anyways… I did drink all my water yesterday, and walked last night. I only did thirty mins in the park, again, surprising since I made more laps, but I guess I was moving a little faster.

I’ve been perusing many weight loss blogs and picking up recipes for meals as well as snacks. As soon as I get my bills caught up (I just started a new job after being out of work since July) I’ll go to the grocery and buy some things that are more productive. As for now, I’m kindda stuck with whatever I have in my cabinets… soups, PBJ, grilled cheese, eggs and oatmeal… I think there’s even some frozen veggies in the freeze. Made homemade salsa earlier this week… actually not too bad for you, but for me, I sit and eat it for an hour… though I put it in wraps and on eggs too… It has a bunch of beans and some corn in it, as well as tomatoes of course. It’s my favorite snack

I’ve decided I want to find someone or a group of someones’ my age that are trying to lose weight… I’ve been having a hard time with that though… Am I the only fat 20 something out there? I find a lot of ppl much older than me, and usually they are the ones who are already more than halfway to their goal… it’s inspiring and helpful to read their tips, but I feel like I’m not helping them… I’m not taking a journey with them.

xoxoxox
M

abound... and about...

weight=262

Somehow I was down 2lbs last night and am now up 2 from my starting point… how the crack?! Talk about frustration… oh well… It is a new week.

In other news… this lady had the most amazingly awesome weekend in Cincinnati. I drove up on Friday afternoon with gal pal extraordinaire Davis… a ride of good music, gossip and great scenery. Saturday morning brought us to the illustrious Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens.

It took us three hours of strategically planned maneuvers to see everything we wanted to see… including a “you go that way, I’ll go this” “synchronize your watch” move that landed me in the wondrous Insect House… 30 mins later, I found Patient Pants Davis sitting with sad face waiting for me to emerge. To say “she likes bugs” would be a dire understatement. This kid, LOVES bugs!! I found a fellow obsessor… ok, so he worked there and maybe that doesn’t count… carrying around a leafy stick bug…. I had to stop, pet, and chat. Needless to say I have awesome pics… Maybe I’ll post a few for you.

While I was enamored by the insect world, Davis was getting her Cat House on… One word… SMELLY! Ewww! I would not have gone in there for all the cute cuddly kittens in the world. I’m not a cat person to put it mildly… though I do own one… long story, for another entry. Let’s just say, I hate to see things sad, and mom knows how to lay a guilt trip.

Loved the Reptile House. Got to touch/ hold my very first snake. I’ve been terrified for years, but I let him wrap that beautiful python around my neck like an old pro! Maybe someday I will deem myself responsible enough to own one… till then, anyone got one I can come love on from time to time? lol

sigh

I am tired of being the fat friend.

All the pics from this weekend can attest that, I am indeed... the fat friend... not that my friends are all super skinny... it's just that I am such a lumbering behemoth that I clearly stand out in all pics. I'm about 6 inches taller than all of them and well fatter...

Weekend activities = 4 beers, two bites of friends creme puff, and a soft pretzel.

Not too bad... Didn't eat terribly, but not my usual either...

Guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.

TGIF (how original)

Finally exercised last night… not the full three miles but I did 45 mins at the park next door. Not sore, a little stiff and mostly just my knee that I’ve been having trouble with. It didn’t swell too bad so it’s nice to know it’s starting to heal. Also made it through all my water yesterday… 144oz… whew! I did step on the scale this morning but since it’s not official “weigh day”, I won’t tell you what it said.

This weekend holds beautiful opportunities. I’m headed to Cincy for Oktoberfest!! SUPER STOKED! I get to go to the Zoo… complete with bug house… Since most of you don’t know me, I will say, I’m a HUGE fan! I’ve never been to Cincy so this is all a new experience. One of the many perks of my new hometown.

I probably won’t eat very well this weekend… but I will definitely be getting some exercise in with all the walking… I hope everyone has a FANTASTIC weekend… I can’t wait to catch up on my blog reading Monday… and update on my progress.

oxoxoxoxo
M

Yeah... I didn't

132oz… I was a little short. And I still haven’t worked out… I’m more than slightly frustrated with myself. I couldn’t force myself out last night… and I certainly didn’t get up early this morning. Where in the world did my will power go?

I have Oktoberfest this weekend. Part of me wants to just give in until Monday… Not really give in, but understand that I’ve had this weekend planned for a while. I’m going to drink beers, I may even have a crème puff… idk about the latter… I’ve never had one. Someone had the great idea of trying a deep fried snickers bar at the fair a few weeks ago… it was positively the most disgusting thing I have EVER eaten.

I’m having caffeine withdrawls today… and it’s raining outside… I’m really sorry this is such a negative entry… I’m going to try and turn this day around… I hate being grumpy.

It’s my mom’s birthday! That’s good… If you happen by today… Happy Birthday Mom! Love you!

Another Day, another 10lbs!

Didn’t walk this morning… ugh… alarm went off at 0500… I walked over, turned it off, sat down on the end of my bed… promptly fell over and fell asleep. I woke at 0715. I had managed to pull the blankets down and pile them up to become my pillow. I’ve got some talent in my sleep. Ie: the time I took one of my contacts out… I thought I was dreaming until I woke up missing a contact, only to find it safely in it’s case on my bathroom counter. This is one of the nicer of the stories… Moral? It’s really hard for me to wake up early. I wanted this to be a kick start to my day, but I may need to rethink it considering I’m more nocturnal.

I did, however, manage to weigh myself this morning… sometime over this past weekend I jumped up to 260. Eeeek! I’m consoling myself with my theory on water weight… after all… some website said I needed to drink 142oz of water a day… I made it to 80 last night… making for 3 trips to the loo between 2200-2300… I have a feeling I’m in for an interesting day at work today. Anyone want to say denial?? Me too… I think I like my story for now.

I found an old friends’ blog yesterday. It had a link to her picture page… I found pics of me almost 2 years ago and 50lbs heavier. I had never seen the weight loss… nor really felt it. Looking at those pictures was akin to a jolt. I can’t believe what I was doing to myself, what I continue to do to myself. Even though I lost weight… it wasn’t on purpose. I became a vegetarian and it just sort of happened. Now looking at those pictures I feel like I owe it to myself to do it on purpose this time. I deserve to be treated a certain way right? So why am I expecting it from everyone but myself?

Over half way through my day and already 92oz in… this is insane, I spend more time in the bathroom than working… ok, I’m exaggerating… a lot. You get the idea though, don’t you? I will say this, drinking so much water has helped with my hunger. That and the gum… God, I’m going to be not fat and have TMJ.

I hope everyone else’s day is going swimmingly… I haven’t really picked up readers yet, but I’m hopeful. I could use some support and encouragement in this… As soon as I made the decision, I started craving Taco Bell…. And deep fried fish… and beer, pop, chocolate… pretty much anything bad for me. Figures, I didn’t honestly think my subconscious was going to let me get away with this did I? Of course not… because trying means, ability to fail… and that hurts. So that’s all we have for phsyc 101 today. Guess I’ll talk to myself tomorrow!
Xoxoxox M

New start, Let's Just See

So I've been reading a few weight loss blogs lately... Ok, I found them yesterday. Everyone has all these different ideas on the "right" way to lose weight... The best tricks and what to cut out. It can be very over whelming. Hell, the woman that sits next to me recommended a fat burning pill that she takes.

I feel like I should just start small. Maybe I should explain the basics for who ever happens across this thing.

I just turned 27... I work, work, work. I have dreams of being a doctor... we'll see. Right now I have dreams of being able to run... play tennis, wear a normal bathing suit... buy clothes at the store I work at part time.

I'm a fairly confident woman. I love to laugh and be silly. I'm a vegitarian, so my diet is already limited. I really don't like sugar... though I know it's in everything I eat. I don't eat candy and sweets, it's just not my thing. I love salt... that's my down fall. Though I'm fairly conscious of that as well. I'm going to cut pop again... eeeeeee!!! I love my bubbles! I may try sparkling water from time to time, but it's going to have to be the non flavored stuff. I want to get away from artifical sweetners.

The purpose here is to get healthy. Fill one of the holes. For right now, I'm ignoring the tricks... I want to work out more. I have already charted a 3 mile loop in my neighborhood via trackmyrun.com . I'm going to focus on walking/ running it every day for a week. Just one week. We'll reassess then. Make another week of goals. I also want to up my water intake.

So wish me luck! Here I go, on a Tuesday... who starts on a Tuesday?!